Yes, it was a cold November back in 2013. I had quite a few drinks and i fell asleep while watching ‘Rambo’. When i woke up again i noticed the news on tv, with the eye that was open while the other was still closed. There seemed to be something going on in Kiev (Kyiv)… there is always something going on there, sadly rarely anything good. So i got me a Coke and some popcorn to follow closer what’s going on there, since i was living together with two girls from Odesa. It turned out some people were mad about the cancelation of a planned association agreement with the EU. EU? Who cares, i thought. So i turned the tv off and went to bed. I had lots of work the following days and did not care for a while.

A week later i was watching my favorite tv show, Miami Vice, almost sadism to watch concerning the fact how cold it was outside. Ha! The news again. Will these ukies ever stop complaining? But what’s this? Riots? Shooting? People screaming and lying in the streets? This was not the usual show most ukrainians already got used to since 2003, this was something else.

So i dived onto my sofa and grabbed my laptop to find out what’s happening. What better place to check than Tymoshenko’s website. Had been a fan ten years earlier, so i went online.

Sadly most posts were in ukrainian. Neither i nor my girls spoke any ukrainian. I only knew yugoslavian and they only russian. But there was Google Translate. So i finally got a view what was happening and able to respond, more or less.

So i was following the situation for a while. When somebody posted that government buildings were stormed, i got concerned. I argued that russian tanks could be rolling soon, but most thought i was an idiot.

Meanwhile Mister president packed his suitcase full of stolen money and detached his golden toilet, while confidential documents were burning in the oven, to catch his chopper to Rostov in Russia.

Shortly later my darkest fears were confirmed and the unthinkable became reality. Russian troops were moving into Ukraine. They moved out of their leased bases, not having any insignias, wearing black face masks or black socks with holes.

The invasion of Ukraine began. The ukrainian army in Crimea did what until then was rather a french tradition, they were waving white flags. I didn’t understand. Was there a deal? Weird.

I was busy again for a while. Larisa decided to visit her ex-husband and child in Shyrokyne, eastern Ukraine. I was against, but she said all is safe, the war is in Crimea.

I didn’t follow the situation any further and got busy with my work again.

One day the phone rang. Annoying since i was constipated and on the pot, and the bell came just seconds before a possible moment of relief. I was pissed off and preparing to shitstorm the muthafucker calling. I picked up the phone and someone was screaming into da phone “They killed them! They killed them!” and crying like a hysterical psycho. Turned out it was Larisa (name changed), one of my girls.When she calmed down she told me that her only child and ex-husband died when the russians attacked their village. Was there a war? Did i miss something? Why she never told me? Or did she think i do know?

After Larisa came back i decided to get informed better. Since Tymoshenko’s site was offline i had to look for a new source. I ended up with a site named ‘Ukraine Today’.

So, although not a full insider, i made my first comment. I can’t recall the comment, but it was about the Crimea and that i had no problem if it was Russia now. I got shitstormed by dozens of users and my comment was deleted instantly. I didn’t know what the hell i did wrong, just said what i thought.

Anyway, i came back to the site and continued to comment. Not that anybody would have upvoted or responded. It was clear they were watching me.

Suddenly an upvote. I can’t recall the user’s name, but i felt flattered. Not easy for a guy like me to get an upvote. And suddenly more upvotes. Until someone wrote that i got upvoted by a troll. Two guys named Murf and Gizmo seemed to like me, and i began to like them too. After a while i was more accepted. Guys with fancy names like RedSquareMaidan, Dmitry Pisskopf, Angel and Putin Hitler began to upvote me regularily, some even responded to me. I later lost my job, and the girls had to pay my bills. I got depressed. But there were still these crazy guys from that ukrainian website. So i got me some wine and pizza, going online to fight the russian invaders. ‘Stop ATO’ the trolls were posting. ATO stood for Anti-terrorist Operation. The trolls started to insult and impersonate me. I got pissed off and attacked any of the assholes that was out there. Putin Hitler and a dutch guy named Willem became my first supporters. For months we met in the evening to slaughter trolls. Angel’s profile got banned and he was Clown then, who later became my best friend, followed by Pisskopf.

We all grew together like a digital army, with myself and Clown in front. We drank, we laughed, we trashed one troll after another.

Later Larisa joined us. She was insulted by trolls instantly. She got hurt… and angry. She got accepted quickly. Suzanna followed later.

I made many new friends, like Focusser, OnlyFactsPlease, Knut, Toronto Tonto, Scradje, Vasyl, Meow, and many more.

For years we were fighting a forgotten war against trolls, lies and propaganda from Russia. Some of the best times i had.

One day Ukraine Today announced it will go offline. Everybody said it was a great time and that it’s all over. I was heartbroken.

Then Larisa surprised me with a new site, Ukraine Today USA. I told everybody about it, hoping people would migrate to it.

Then Focusser, we were already buddies, said he wants to join as an author. So we decided to post articles. It didn’t take too long until the site was hacked and went down.

So we designed a new site, Ukraine Today. Everybody migrated quickly. It became an awesome success. We had the fun of our lives. Booze, puke, pregnancies, venezuelan hookers, moderators banning themselves… and news from Ukraine.

Disqus then decided after two successful years and a record in followers, to shut us down.

Was this the end?

Nope. One of our guys, RedSquareMaidan, rescued us. He bought this current site and domain for us, for $190, so we can continue to exist as a news source and community. Thanks!

Thanks to ya all, folks! And never forget – the Crimea is NOT Russia! 😂

© 2020 Ukraine Today