Breaking: Putin hospitalized (parody)

While one of Vladimir Putin’s Doppelgängers met with China’s president Xi, the real Russian president has been hospitalized.

He drove over a grenade with his Lada Nuclear Hypersonic Limited Edition in the center of Mariupol.

Due to the huge detonation Putin broke his anus and lost his penis. The latter could not be found yet, but the FSB is now using special supermicroscopes to find it.

According to the investigators of the occupiers a drunk Wagner volunteer lost the grenade when he slipped on a banana skin moments before Putin’s vehicle came around the corner.

Ukraine offered to use their HIMARS to clean up the scene, but the occupiers rejected the offer for unknown reasons.