Vladimir Putin hospitalized because of severe hemmorrhoids

An FSB helicopter brought the Russian dictator to a nearby hospital in Moscow because of a militant outbreak of hemmorrhoids in his ass.

Doctors are fighting for his anus, although a castration could not be prevented. Rosskosmos provided a microscope to ensure the success of his castration.

Brazil’s president Lula donated parts of his Russia-fucked ass to save Putin’s broken behind.

This is a developing story.

© 2023 tASS


  1. According to news reports, the “pain in the ass” has been successfully removed. It took quite a high dose of TNT, though.

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