Russia’s dictator Vladimir Putin has been hospitalized after a series of incidents.

First Putin was suffering from an anus infarction while he was given a Sputnik V Turbo vaccine injection.

Two hours later he reportedly fell asleep in a solarium and was fried extra crispy at 170°C.

Later he got picked up by an ambulance. The car crashed into a truck which was carrying genetically modified cactuses from a Fukushima farm.

After the rescue chopper, which was supposed to fly Putin to Moscow, crashed seconds after take-off, Putin is now being provisorically treated in a refugee camp in Grozny.

Maria Zakharova is now in charge of the nuclear codes.

Putin said in his first interview after the incidents: “I’m all fine. I don’t have Corona.”

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